It has been a while.
Life has been relatively uneventful. Summer is here and it is getting hot, which means I have to fight getting cranky. I love summer and sunshine, I just hate extreme heat. Does that make sense?
My students are acting up, and I think it is because of the heat. Poor things. The school hasn't been turning on the AC in the classrooms, so it is very hot and miserable. I feel bad for all of us.
In case you are wondering, things are slightly better with my friend. We are spending some time together, but not a lot. I don't message her very much, and I haven't been spending much time at her apartment. I don't know if she realizes that anything is wrong. If she does, she hasn't said anything.
I don't feel like I can really talk to her anymore. I haven't told her anything about the Pagan/Wiccan thing, and there are some other things going on in my life that I haven't talked to her about either. I don't feel comfortable talking to her about them anymore. This means I have no one to talk to about certain things, but that is okay. I can rely on myself.
On a happy(ish) note, I went to an art gallery with a friend this week. It was fun. I met up with my friend, whom I call Oppa (Korean for older brother), in Seoul. We spend a couple hours in the museum and then we had an early dinner. Then we did a bit of shopping. After that, he took me to the bus terminal and helped me buy a ticket. My bus didn't leave for about an hour, so we went across the street to a coffee shop.
I enjoyed myself, but there is a potential problem. I kept wanting to touch Oppa. Hug him, cuddle with him, that kind of stuff, and I gave in to that impulse frequently. The problem is, I'm not sure if I am attracted to him because he is attractive or because I am lonely and just want a guy in my life. I am worried about leading him on, because I know at one point in time he was attracted to me. He mentioned wanting me to be his girlfriend. Of course, that was two years ago and I was in America and he was in Korea at the time. I don't know if his feelings have changed or if he is still attracted to me. If he is, and I'm not really attracted to him, it isn't fair to him. I don't want to hurt him because I do care about him. I am very confused and don't know what to do. Oppa hasn't done anything to indicate he wants more than a friendship with me, but I am worried. I know I shouldn't be, especially since nothing may come of this, but I worry about everything. What do you think I should do? I am open to suggestions.
Hopefully things will work out. Until then, here's hoping I don't worry too much about things I cannot control!
Sounds like you're having so much fun! I think you should find out if he still has feelings for you before you decide how you feel, because how you feel could be a result of how you think he feels. Does that make sense? So like, if you thought he didn't like you, you would try to keep yourself from getting hurt and so you'd not let your self like him. I know that is the kind of thing you'd do. So find out before making any rash or hasty decisions. :) Love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks. ^^ Your comments make perfect sense to me. And I am trying to wait until I know better how he feels. I just tend to worry about everything, even when I shouldn't.
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