Apathetic

So, I have been feeling very apathetic towards life lately.  The weather has been weird.  It got really hot for a few days, and now it is back to being cold.  It has been raining for a few days and I miss the sun.  Being cold makes me feel so very blah.  I am kind of tempted to pull out one of my heaters.  (I have two.  A big one and a little one.)  Maybe then I won't be so listless.

Have you heard the song "Would It Matter" by the group Skillet?  I love that song, but there are so many times I feel that way, I have a hard time listening to it.  I know there are people who would miss me if I were gone, but some days it doesn't feel that way.

I bring this up because of a conversation I had with my friend the other day.  She said something that has been bothering me and has been making me feel like I can't really speak my mind.

That song came on and I told her that I should probably stop listening to it because it makes me kind of depressed.  She asked why and so I told her it was because it made me wonder if anyone really would miss me if I were gone.  She then proceeded to tell me that if I felt that way I should make it so people would miss me.  I know she didn't understand what I meant, and I can't seem to explain it in a way that she can understand.  I don't believe I have the ability to MAKE someone miss me.  She told me when it comes to things like that I see a wall and stop while she is climbing over the wall and moving on.  This seems to be her favorite thing to say to me.  I'm not sure she means for it to, but it comes across as somewhat condescending.  It makes me want to just stop talking to her.

My friend has been making the occasional comment about future events, and I keep thinking that we may not last that long.  I know I need to talk to her and tell her how I feel, but I don't know where to start.  It doesn't help anything that I am now feeling a little tense and uncomfortable around her.  I go over to her place and I get antsy and wonder when I can leave.  It used to be that I could go spend hours at her apartment doing nothing and be fine.  Now, if I'm not doing something, I am looking at the time, wondering if I can leave yet.

A good example of this is what happened on Saturday.  We went shopping in the next town over.  We usually get back around 5 or 6.  Well, we left earlier in the day so we got back earlier.  As we pulled up to her apartment complex she asked if I was coming in.  She said I could come up for a couple hours, then she would kick me out.  Before our little issue I would have gone up, but this time, I didn't really want to.  I told her I would just go home.  Well, I didn't actually go home for about 2 hours.  I went to a cafe and got my favorite drink (green tea frappeno) and sat and read for about an hour while I finished my drink.  I didn't go home, but I didn't really want to be with her either.

Anywho, moving on to a new topic.  Do you have a piece of jewelry you have to wear?  I used to be fine not wearing any jewelry.  Now, however, I have a pendant that I feel weird when I don't have it on.  Even at home, when I am just lounging around.  I now also feel naked when I don't have two bracelets and two rings on.  I have 5 bracelets and 5 rings I rotate between.  This all came about because I ordered a bunch of jewelry from ebay.  (yay for inexpensive stuff!)  I looked into stones and their mystical properties and found some that I knew I needed in my life and acquired some jewelry with those stones.  I want to learn more about stones and their properties and how they can be used, I just don't know where to start.   

The stone thing comes back to the Goddess.  I am still trying to figure out how I want to worship the Goddess and God.  I do know that I connect the Goddess to Earth and the energies and powers from it.  So, I am using the stones to help me with some issues I have been having.

Hematite is a very useful stone.  It is a protective stone and it also deflects negative energies.

Moss Agate is another of my favorites.  It has strong ties to nature and the Goddess.

Well, I think that is enough rambling for one entry.

Are there any stones you are fond of and want to know their mystical properties?  Or do you have a problem you need some help with?

Let me know, and I will do some research for you.