Welcome to my journey.
Allow me to introduce myself. For the sake of anonymity, you may call me Topaz Phoenix.
I grew up in a large family in America. I am the second of five children and have always felt a little out of place. I am now in my late 20s living in South Korea teaching English. I love living here, and I finally feel like I belong somewhere.
I grew up going to the LDS church, or Mormon, as it is more commonly know. When I was 15 I began questioning my faith, but never really felt that I could explore other faiths because my parents would not have handled it well. When I was 21 I finally went away to college and took the time to look into Wicca and Paganism. I really liked what I found. However, this caused some of my friends to completely freak out. One even called her pastor to come talk me out of it. I listened politely even though he never said anything meaningful. He just told me that Wicca was evil and that his mother had gone through a lot of religions before she went back to being a Baptist.
Not long after this, I ended up moving back home with my parents and, once again, was restricted in what I could do, knowing how my parents would react. I also began going back to the LDS church, as was expected of me by my father. A few months later, I moved away from home and began attending a University in the neighboring state. There, I continued going to the LDS church, by my own choice this time, and realized that I found comfort and strength in the things I was learning and remembering. I realized that I had found my faith once again, and I was happy with this knowledge.
I never truly forgot about what I had felt and learned while looking into Wicca and Paganism, but I pushed it aside, knowing that the people I loved and respected would not respond well and that I had found something else to believe in.
However, recently I have been thinking more and more about the Goddess and all She stands for. I know that Christian and Catholic religions teach that there is only one God, and he is the only one we should worship. There is also a commandment to put no other gods before Him. This caused a me dilemma for a short while.
I believe in the Goddess, but I still believe in God. The LDS religion teaches that we have a Heavenly Father (God) and a Heavenly Mother. Which leads to my argument: If Heavenly Father is God, wouldn't our Heavenly Mother be a Goddess? And if, as the commandment says, we are supposed to honor our father AND mother, why can I not worship both God and Goddess? They are my heavenly parents, after all. As for the commandment, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me", well, I am not putting the Goddess before God, I hold them equal in regard.
I still believe in most things that I was taught growing up in the LDS faith, but I have also found that many aspects of Goddess worship appeal to me as well. So, I guess one could say that I am a Wiccan/Pagan Mormon. I believe in both and I feel that I can worship both without sacrificing my beliefs.
I know that some people out there will try to tell me that I am being deceived by the devil and that I can't believe in both. I am simply stating how I feel on the off chance that others may feel the same way. Keep in mind that God has said "Judge not, that ye be not judged". I don't judge you because of your beliefs, so don't judge me. If you don't like what I am saying, then stay away from my blog. No one is making you read it.
If you have any constructive thoughts on anything I have said, please leave a comment. If you are just going to tell me I am evil and I am going to hell, don't bother leaving a message.
If you believe in something you know others will judge you for and look down on you because of, please know that this is a safe place to talk about it. I am always willing to listen and help in any way I can.
I am finding my own path and I am happier because of it. Are you willing to find your own path?
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